But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
