you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
