my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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