Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
