It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
