what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
