fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
