I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
