man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
