I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
