i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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