Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
