The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
