oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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