its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
