Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
