I'm passing your future prison.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
FUCK WHALES
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
