i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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