Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
