dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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