It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell me about the fingering
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
