We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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