y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
People in love make me want to vomit
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
