it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
