Kiss
Puke
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
