When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
