Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
