before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
