It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He better not be in your backpack
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
