I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize