It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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