hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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