grandma shit on top of the toilet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
