I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is the high leading the old right now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
