I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
