Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
