dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
