im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
