If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
