Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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