He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
