It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
