im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
