Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize