My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
