I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
