That's when you crack a 10am beer
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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