i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
