I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize