Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize