do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
