I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
where am i from again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
