cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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