Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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