sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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