Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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