he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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