he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
