we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
