Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
