My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
