i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
