I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
