curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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