He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
