Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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