Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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