My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
