so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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