i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
