I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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