She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
