Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
