i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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