News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
